Snapshot
👀: Original post.
My Dear Friend
“Fools rush in where angels fear to tread,” goes the adage. And in no area is this truer than in marriage.
Christian, if you are single and prayerfully considering marriage, or remarriage, remember Paul’s wise words to Christian widows on the subject. With apostolic wisdom, the Spirit’s inspiration, and significant counseling experience, Paul wrote that Christians should marry “only in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 7:39).
While specifically addressing widows, it is evident that this saying also applies to all Christians whom Paul addressed in the larger context (1 Corinthians 7:1-40). Certainly, they would not be permitted to marry “outside the Lord!”
Paul’s inspired words, “in the Lord,” imply three key truths relating to successful Christian marriages.
First, we should marry only in the “Lord’s body,” or to one who is in the body of Christ. So, we should only marry another truly born-again Christian - not an atheist or agnostic, a devotee of another faith, or a professing Christian, however religious, who has never been born again by repenting of their sins and receiving Christ into their heart (John 1:12-13; 3:3-8). Try as they may, two cannot walk together unless they are agreed (Amos 3:3), and an unequal yoke is an unbearable yoke (2 Corinthians 6:14 - 7:1).
“…an unequal yoke is an unbearable yoke.”
Second, we should marry only in the “Lord’s will,” or plan. You are not free to marry any Christian you choose and then ask God to bless your choice. Why? The sovereign lordship of Christ. If Christ is indeed the Lord of your life, you should choose the person He has chosen and prepared for you, and you for them. Then His full blessing will rest on your union. God was the first Matchmaker (Genesis 2:18-22) and He’s still the only perfect Matchmaker - despite all our Internet Christian dating services! (Though, it is also true, for those truly looking for His guidance through prayer and submissive patience, He may use unorthodox means to lead you to His ends.)
You’ll never make the wrong choice in such matters without God taking great pains to warn you. But, if you selfishly and impatiently press on, and choose someone you inwardly sense God did not choose, don’t complain to Him when things go sour. Unless you’re ready to hear this sour sermon ringing in your ears: “You chose him (or her), I didn’t!”
Third, marry only in the “Lord’s time.” Why? “To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven,” says the wise Preacher (Ecclesiastes 3:1). There is “a time to embrace [in marriage], and a time to refrain from embracing” (v. 5), and we need Solomon’s wisdom - readily available to every humble believer by prayer and the Holy Spirit’s quiet, inner voice and sustained peace - to know when to do what. Why does timing matter? “He hath made everything beautiful in its [His] time” (v. 11). But out of His time, well, things can get ugly.
This point is especially true for remarriage candidates, as potential spouses may not have learned the lessons God tried to teach them when their first marriage failed. If so, and if you marry one of God’s “failing students,” your new union will likely fail also, however hard you try to row your Jonah (or Jonetta) to the shores of marital bliss!
Or, other factors may complicate matters. They may not have fully healed emotionally from the trauma of their previous divorce or bereavement. Their children may not be ready for a new step-mother or step-father. Should we break our children’s hearts just to satisfy our heart’s desires?
Or, our potential spouse’s motives may be impure. Sometimes people date or become engaged to others just to spite their former spouse. Or, to remove the stigma of divorce. Or, to prove they’re still attractive. Or, to satisfy their sex drive. Or, to share your money, house, lands, business, ministry, or reputation. Or, for a thousand other unworthy, un-Christlike reasons. Sadly, those who breathlessly and prayerlessly rush into marriage, overriding the Holy Spirit’s checks, don’t discover these hidden motivations until it’s too late.
But there’s another, brighter side to this topic. Very bright! When God brings two Christians together who are scripturally eligible for marriage or remarriage, all is well, not hell. Sweetness, not strife, fills our days. Beautiful unity, not ugly agitation is our portion. An overriding sense of cooperation, fulfillment, and destiny make it easy to overcome the little complications and disagreements that arise in even the best unions of two human wills under one roof. Then marriage is the blessing God intended. Why? God’s blessing is resting on God’s matchmaking - no less so than in Eden originally (Genesis 2:18-22). (See the above photo of my good friend, John Shiver, delivering the marriage vows to his beautiful daughter and son-in-law just last month.)
Wisely, these marriage candidates have not rushed in where angels fear to tread. Rather, they have walked steadily, patiently, prayerfully, worshipfully, and watchfully up to the altar with their eyes opened and ears listening as they come. They are open to God’s checks, should they be given. They understand “no,” or “not yet,” are valid words in God’s vocabulary. They also remember life is challenging enough for singles without a close, bad relationship adding to its griefs. So, they heed the wise apostle’s counsel.
When they marry, or remarry, it is “only in the Lord” - in the Lord’s body of believers, in the Lord’s will, or choice, and in the Lord’s time. Ah, that is indeed a “beautiful” thing to experience. When the match is the Matchmaker’s, He makes it matchless - something it could never be without His approval and blessing: a living, walking, talking portrait of the gloriously sweet union of Christ and His church! It is a small glimpse of our bliss in Christ’s eternal kingdom! And there’s more.
Every match the Matchmaker makes is fruitful. It contributes in one way or another to the spiritual edification of the church, the spreading of the gospel, the enlarging of the body of believers, the purity and maturity of Christ’s bride (Revelation 19:7-9), and, thus, the hastening of Christ’s return. (Oh, and by increasing God’s image in the earth when little ones, bearing that image, are brought into this world.)
So, don’t rush into marriage. Patiently pray your way in. Provided, of course, this is God’s will and gift for you (1 Corinthians 7:7). Let the Holy Spirit lead in every detail. Then His power, peace, joy, and exhilarating life will stamp every detail, every day of your new union . . . until the Matchmaker returns.
